At work today – I received an email from a co-worker. Nothing crazy – just a reminder for me to turn in some contact cards from a college fair I covered last week. Why am I talking about this email? Because it came from a white co-worker that sits literally 20 feet away from my office. A small request like this could’ve been handled by her coming to my office door (which is open) and asking for the contact cards. Instead, I get an email.
I understand – this sounds minimal and a big deal. But – in my experience in the professional world, this is a passive aggressive attempt to avoid the Black girl at all costs. Oh – and this isn’t the first, second, third, fourth or even fifth time this has happened.
This is one of the reasons why this Black girl is exhausted…of being in the office.
When COVID-19 placed me in a work from home situation, I was happy for many reasons. The main reason being that I could wear leggings and a sweatshirt all day and not make the 20-minute commute to work every day. At the time, I was the Assistant Director of Admission at my alma mater, Simpson College and married to my now ex-husband. Working from home was great for so many reasons such as saving money on gas, not eating out and being able to shut the door on my workspace at the end of the day and spend the rest of the evening in my living room watching TV.
It really wasn’t until I went back into the office that summer that I realized just how exhausting it was to be the only Black woman in my office. Granted – I enjoyed my job and what I did for a living, but walking into work with a pandemic afro because I hadn’t had my hair braided in two months took a bit for my co-workers to get used to. It was annoying after a few weeks of a natural style when one co-worker inquired about when I would be getting my hair braided again. It was a passive aggressive way to tell me that in her opinion, by afro wasn’t work appropriate. My mom braided my hair the following weekend and I haven’t worn my afro in public since then.
A few years ago, I read an article from Business Insider about Black women and their preference to work from home. It wasn’t because they didn’t want to commute to work – it was because working from home meant avoiding passive aggressive racism and difficult situations. The article even noted that the year prior (in 2020), Essence Magazine found in a study that 45% of Black women felt the workplace was where they most often experienced racism.
As for the Business Insider article, here are my key takeaways:
- The opportunity for remote work can help improve the mental health of Black women
- Black women felt better expressing themselves and managing the type of microaggressions they encountered each day
- Working from home helps Black women have better control of their environments and stressors
- Microaggressions (such as comments about hairstyles) happen at such a high frequency in office environments for Black women that there’s no time for mental recovery
- Quote from workplace psychologist, Erica Reed, “You cannot expect anyone to stay engaged, productive, or connected when they experience toxic stress of trauma.”
Currently, I have a flexible work schedule and am in the office for three days, and at home for two days per week. My commute to work is about 40-minutes long and I am usually blasting anything by Megan Thee Stallion or Migos to get me ready for the day.
The reason why I prefer to work from home is because I have never felt welcomed in the building. I can count the number of people that speak to me in a day (usually no more than one person) and when someone does need something from me, an email arrives in my inbox for a request. But if I close the door to my office or take a personal phone call outside of the building and my supervisor (who sits on the third floor) is alerted immediately. And let’s not forget the ‘impromptu’ walks by my office door and the neck craning that takes place so people can see what exactly I am doing. I am consistently being watched which adds a level of stress and pressure to me that leave me mentally exhausted on the commute home.
Late last year, I was outside on a personal phone call with a friend during my lunch break. We were talking about my weekend and plan to work my part-time job to make some extra money for the holidays. The following week I had a meeting with my supervisor. She said that someone ‘overheard’ me on the phone saying that I was working my part-time job on my work from home days during my shift – which is 8:00 AM – 4:30 PM. I was reprimanded for something I didn’t do and put on a probationary period where one of my remote days was taken away.
All of this – over a lie and someone ear-hustling my phone conversation.
Since this happened, my probationary period ended, and I have resumed my flexible work schedule. But the damage has been done and I have since told my supervisor this among other things are all the reasons why I am not comfortable working in the office. I don’t trust anyone and refuse to participate in office activities such as potlucks, lunch gatherings or having drinks after work.
I love my job and what I get do to every day – but the emotional exhaustion that occurs when I am in the office leaves me feeling frustrated. I continue to ask myself “Why do they care so much about what I am doing?” and this is a consistent thing that I talk about in my monthly therapy sessions.
The saddest part is that I don’t have an answer on how to NOT be exhausted. The only solace that I have is that I have a supportive supervisor, I document everything and truly mind the business that pays me when I have to be present in the office.
I will say this – reading these articles and talking to my close friends helps me remember that I am not alone and there are others that look like me that feel the same way. But I will tell you one thing that is certain and true – this situation will not deter me from doing my absolute best when I am at work. If anything – it only makes me want to be the very best at my job and move on when I am ready…not because they don’t want me here.
Black. Girl. Iowa. 