There are stories we carry within us—stories that shape us, challenge us, and ultimately define how we move forward. Some stories are easy to share, while others feel too heavy, too raw, and too personal.
Last weekend, I attended the Stories to Tell My Daughter event at the Olmsted Center at Drake University. Listening to five incredible Black women share their experiences of triumph, adversity, self-love, and healing stirred something deep within me. It reminded me why I created Black. Girl. Iowa.—to give voice to the stories of Black women connected to this state. But as I sat in that space of vulnerability and power, I realized how much of my own story I had been holding back.
For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I would ever share this. But healing requires honesty, and silence only allows pain to fester. So today, I am speaking my truth.
The Story
Earlier this year, I survived a domestic violence situation that changed the trajectory of my life.
It started with a relationship that, in many ways, felt fulfilling and promising. After my divorce in 2022, I entered the dating scene with optimism but little experience. Online dating was a whirlwind—exciting and overwhelming at the same time. When I met him in November 2022, I thought I had found someone who saw me for who I was, someone I could truly connect with. We built a life together, shared experiences, and created a home. But beneath the surface, there were warning signs—patterns I rationalized, minimized, or ignored.
Then, one day, everything changed. An argument escalated into violence. I was thrown against a wall, struck in the head, and left bleeding. The physical pain was immediate, but the emotional shock was far worse. I found myself making excuses, following his script, and walking into a hospital alone—carrying both my wounds and the burden of silence.
But silence was not my final choice. A friend intervened, the police were called, and the truth was forced into the light. He was arrested, and my life as I knew it unraveled. I lost my home, spent my savings on rebuilding, and had to let go of a life I thought I was creating.
Healing and Reflection
In the months that followed, I faced emotions I never expected—guilt, confusion, longing, and an aching grief for the relationship I thought I had. I questioned myself: How did this happen? Why did I stay? What does love really mean?
Healing has not been linear. Some days, I still feel the weight of everything I lost. Other days, I remind myself that what I lost was never truly mine—it was an illusion held together by hope and fear. I am learning that love should never come at the cost of safety, dignity, or self-worth.
The hardest part of survival isn’t just walking away—it’s learning to let go of the version of yourself that accepted less than you deserved. It’s understanding that leaving was not just about escaping harm but reclaiming your life.
A Message to Others
If you are in a situation where love feels painful, controlling, or dangerous, I want you to hear this: You deserve better. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be loved without fear. And most importantly, you are not alone.
There is help. There is support. And there is life beyond this moment.
Below, I’ve included resources for those who may need them. Please reach out if you or someone you love is in a situation of domestic violence.
Conclusion
Today, I am not yet “okay,” but I am better. And that is enough.
Sharing this story is a part of my healing, and if my words reach even one person who needs them, then it is worth it. Domestic violence thrives in silence, but healing begins in truth.
To those who have walked this path, are walking it now, or fear they might in the future—know that there is strength in survival, and there is power in speaking your truth.
Thank you for holding space for my story. And to all who have supported me through this journey—I see you, I appreciate you, and I love you.
This is Emili, with Black. Girl. Iowa.
Resources for Help
📱 National Hotlines (U.S.)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- 📞 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- 💬 Text “START” to 88788
- 🌐 www.thehotline.org
- Available 24/7 with confidential support in 200+ languages
- Love Is Respect (for teens and young adults)
- 📞 1-866-331-9474
- 💬 Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
- 🌐 www.loveisrespect.org
- StrongHearts Native Helpline
- 📞 1-844-762-8483
- 🌐 www.strongheartshelpline.org
- Culturally appropriate support for Native communities
📞 Statewide Support
Iowa Victim Service Call Center
- 📞 1-800-770-1650
- 💬 Text “IOWAHELP” to 20121
- 🌐 www.survivorshelpline.org
- Available 24/7 for crisis support, shelter referrals, safety planning, and advocacy
🏠 Des Moines & Central Iowa Resources
Children & Families of Iowa (CFI)
- 📍 Domestic Violence Services – Des Moines
- Services: Emergency shelter, support groups, legal advocacy, counseling, and transitional housing
- 📞 515-243-6147 (24/7 crisis line)
- 🌐 http://www.cfiowa.org
Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ICADV)
- A statewide organization that can connect survivors to local programs, legal resources, and advocacy
- 📞 515-244-8028
- 🌐 www.icadv.org
Monsoon Asians & Pacific Islanders in Solidarity
- Specializes in serving Asian and Pacific Islander survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Iowa
- 📞 515-288-0881
- 🌐 www.monsooniowa.org
Latinas Unidas por un Nuevo Amanecer (L.U.N.A.)
- Advocacy and support for Latinx survivors
- 📞 866-256-7668
- 🌐 www.lunaiowa.org
Final Note: Healing is not just about moving forward; it’s about understanding that your past does not define your worth. If you need support, please reach out. You are not alone.
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