There’s nothing quite like sitting down with friends, reminiscing on old times, and engaging in the kinds of conversations that matter. In this episode of Black. Girl. Iowa., I had the pleasure of reconnecting with two of my longtime friends, Ryan (That Guy Ry) and Madison Ray, hosts of the former Drinks with Friends podcast. We talked about everything from sports, music, and nostalgia to the deeper and more pressing issue of how Black women are treated in media, society, and beyond.
This conversation wasn’t just an interview—it was a heartfelt discussion between friends who have always prioritized advocacy, respect, and support for Black women. Let’s dive into it.
The Nostalgia of Friendship
Reuniting with Ryan and Madison felt like stepping back in time. We’ve known each other since high school, and the memories we share go way back—like the time they were responsible for me getting a C in gym class! But beyond the jokes and reminiscing, our friendship has always been rooted in deep conversations, mutual respect, and an unspoken bond that has carried us through the years.
We laughed about old mixtapes, high school antics, and the way we’ve grown as individuals. But what stood out the most was the underlying theme of how important it is to have people in your corner who genuinely see and respect you—something that ties directly into the heart of our conversation.
Black Women, Sports, and the Media’s Obsession with Controversy
The media has long had a problem with the way it portrays Black women, and sports commentary is no exception. Whether it’s the way WNBA players are discussed in comparison to their white counterparts or the double standards in how Black women athletes are covered, the disparities are glaring.
I brought up the example of Caitlin Clark vs. Black WNBA players, where media narratives have consistently pitted them against each other rather than celebrating them collectively. Ryan put it perfectly:
“Black women in sports have always been at a cultural disadvantage. The moment a Black woman shows physical excellence, confidence, or dominance, there’s an attempt to humble her.”
Madison added another layer to the conversation by pointing out how this isn’t just about sports—it’s about power, racism, and sexism intersecting:
“Every time Black women gain cultural power, there’s always a counterforce trying to push back. It happened with Black Lives Matter. It happened with Me Too. And it’s happening now with the rise of Black women in sports and entertainment.”
The Exhaustion of Being a Black Woman
I wrote a blog post a while back called Black Girls Are Exhausted, and this conversation reinforced exactly why. Black women are often called to be nurturers, caretakers, and protectors, but when it’s time to receive that same energy, we are met with silence or, worse, criticism.
I shared my personal experiences of navigating life as a Black woman, dealing with workplace struggles, dating challenges, and even the emotional toll of simply existing in a society that doesn’t always value us the way it should.
Madison reflected on how deeply Black women have shaped his life:
“Every major come-up I’ve had, a Black woman was behind it. That’s not lost on me. And it’s why I refuse to sit back and let disrespect slide.”
Ryan, now a father to a young Black girl, shared how fatherhood has deepened his advocacy:
“I never want my daughter to feel like she has to shrink herself or toughen up just to exist. It’s my job to make sure she knows she’s worthy of protection, love, and respect.”
Why Advocacy for Black Women Matters
One of the most important parts of this discussion was why advocacy isn’t optional—it’s necessary. Black men have a responsibility to show up for Black women, to protect and uplift them, and to be vocal when injustice happens.
Ryan and Madison both agreed that the bar shouldn’t be so low when it comes to defending Black women. Whether it’s shutting down toxic narratives in sports media, calling out misogynoir in entertainment, or simply making sure the Black women in their lives feel valued—these actions should be standard, not exceptional.
“You don’t need to tear Black women down to uplift someone else. It costs nothing to show respect.” – Ryan
“If you have a platform and you’re using it to spread harmful narratives, you’re part of the problem.” – Madison
Final Thoughts: The Power of Showing Up
This episode was more than just a catch-up—it was a necessary reminder of how powerful it is to have Black men who truly understand what it means to show up for Black women. Ryan and Madison don’t just talk about advocacy; they live it. And that’s what makes the difference.
So, to Black men reading this: Your voice matters. Your actions matter. Use them wisely.
And to Black women: We see you. We hear you. We will continue to fight for you.
Let’s keep the conversation going. Have you witnessed or experienced similar challenges in media and sports? How do you think we can push for better representation and respect for Black women? Drop your thoughts in the comments or connect with me on Instagram (@blackgirliowa).
Until next time—take care of yourself and protect your peace.
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